Desiderata

By Max Ehrmann 

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

--

Mostly excellent advice, besides "gracefully surrendering the things of youth": NEVER! :)

28 Day Experiment (Part 1/?)

If I've learned one thing over the last few months, it's that I know of a list of things that, when I do them, I feel better about myself, my life, my use of time and energy. These are known things. Most of the time they are really simple: making my own coffee, walking to the metro, running, reading, having the dishes immediately done, having laundry folded instead of in a pile on my window seat, getting to inbox zero, etc., etc. These are things that make my life easier, and that translates to a happier life, also. (Which, just for the record, I most definitely have learned much more than this one thing in the last few months, but I digress.)

I used to be an early bird. I was up before 6a for most of my college career, at least during cross-country season. It's amazing what I could get done when I was up that early. Even if I didn't do anything productive, per se, it was calming to feel like the world was mine, before it was anyone else's. The non-cross-country times of my college career didn't seem nearly as organized or fluid or calm -- if it ever really was any of those things, haaa. Now, I'm...who knows. I'm not really a night owl, but I'm not an early bird, either. In fact, I don't really know what I am, at this point.

That's the thing, too. I have this idea of what I think makes my life easier and happier, but I don't stick to any sort of schedule or stay immediately on top of dishes and laundry and email or ensure I have enough time to actually walk to the metro in the morning or whatever it is. I just think, "Oh, this makes me feel best", but then I don't do it, or that may not really be the case at all. There are other activities that I want to try to incorporate, test out, and see what I really do like, what does really work for me.

So, the experiment.

This will probably be a multi-part exercise. I read a blog called raptitude.com, and sometimes the author does experiments like these, and I've been meaning to do one of my own for a while, so here I am. I want to try out multiple..."living arrangements". I'm going to start by being an early bird.

5:31 AM. Every morning but Sunday morning. Starting tomorrow morning.

I'll try a night owl experiment after.

But really, I want to find time to just be. Life moves and shakes and changes so rapidly, and I know I feel my best when I'm not rushed, when I can stop and smell the coffee while it's brewing and stop to see the fake flamingos planted into a neighbor's yard on my walk to the metro.

AND, in between that enjoyment of the small stuff, I want moments for nothing.

To do nothing.
To sit.
To be still.
To breathe.
To surrender.

I like my life the best when I can step outside the pace of the world, let it fly by me, and just watch from the outside, if only for a moment. But there are things that I need to be disciplined and self-motivated about in order to have those moments. That is perhaps my true goal here: I want to rediscover my self-discipline and self-motivation, as I'm growing in my self-awareness, so I am living the life where I am taking care of myself well. I want to be a good friend, good daughter, good sister, good human, but I must simultaneously be good to myself. I must discover and nurture the ways that allow me to grow in all of those capacities.

I am a computer scientist. Though I do not grow organic or inorganic things, nor do I blow things up, or build things up, I do still enjoy a good hypothesis and test. I'll make sure to observe and analyze what happens. Then I'll deliver some results. Gotta love the scientific method! Hahaha.

I should probably go to sleep if I'm going to start this experiment right and get up on time for my first day of it!

Unglued

It takes less than a day to fly half-way around the world.
It takes about 15 hours to drive from my house to my grandparents' house in Florida.
It takes about 6 hours to fly across the country.
It takes sometimes two hours to drive from my house to my parents' house.

I love traveling, but I always feel a little unglued at the end of the transportation part of the journey.

How is it that we can move so fast? Do some of our atoms blow away as we rush head first into the wind? Are there bits of us scattered across the countryside, the country, the world from our speedy transitions? Do those missing pieces finally catch up, or are they channeled into someone else nearby to where they were blown?

How is it that we can see so much? What do we remember? Is it the traffic or the sunsets? The turbulence or the slight curvature of the earth? Are the spaces of our blown-away pieces filled up with the memories of our travel?

What, at the end of the day's journey, glues ourselves back together?

In all of it

Tyler Knott doesn't title these poems of his, but here's the link to this poem on his site: http://tylerknott.com/post/40680119576/look-on-the-happy-side-of-all-things-happiness

Nerd Christmas Humor

HAHAHAHAHA!

Little girl grows

"Peek-a-boo!"
Blank stare.

"Want me to hold you?
Blank stare.

"Here, come with me for a little bit."
  Picks little girl up.
    Huge eyes fill with tears.

Walk in room with crazy hat.
Crying ensues.


Time passes. Little girl grows.


"Peek-a-boo! I'm gonna get your tummy!"
Blank stare.

"Want me to hold you?"
Head shakes "no", then
  reaches up.

"Here, come with me for a little while."
Reluctance.
  No tears.
    Snuggles into chest.

Leave crazy hat at home.
No crying upon entry to room.


Time passes.
  Little girl grows.


"I'm gonna get your tummy! Gonna get you!"
Quick smile, then
  blank stare.

"Want me to hold you?"
Reaches up immediately.

"Here, stay with me for a while."
Snuggles into chest.
  Falls asleep.
    Too cute.

Too warm for crazy hat.


Time passes.
  Little girl grows.


"Hi! I see you!"
Mischievous smile.
  Ignores me.
    *sigh*

"I'm gonna get you!"
Chase ensues.
  Little girl caught.
    Tickled.

Giggles.
  Be still my heart.

Playing with toys, "Whatcha got there?"
Whisper. "What is it?"
Ever-so-slightly louder, "A froggie."

HA!
  Words!
    For me!


Time passes.
  Little girl grows.


"Can I get a hug goodbye?"
Little girl jumps into my arms.
  Soon she won't be quite a little girl anymore.

"Can I get a kiss goodbye?"
Kiss on cheek.

"I love you. Bye bye!"
  "I loooove you!"

What to do about crazy hat now...
  Hmm...

Poem 1

Even in the time

between

seasons,
beauty shines through
when all is laid



bare




Photo credit: meeee :)

I Have Made Mistakes

I have made mistakes, I continue to make them
the promises I've made, I continue to break them
and all the doubts I've faced, I continue to face them
but nothing is a waste if you learn from it

and the sun, it does not cause us to grow
it is the rain that will strengthen your soul
and it will make you whole

we have lived in fear, and our fear has betrayed us
but we will overcome the apathy that has made us
because we are not alone in the dark with our demons
and we have made mistakes
but we've learned from them

and the sun, it does not cause us to grow
it is the rain that will strengthen your soul
and it will make you whole

and oh my heart, how can I face you now?
when we both know how badly I have let you down
and I am afraid of all I've built
fading away

Artist: The Oh Hello's
Song: I Have Made Mistakes
Album: Through the Deep, Dark Valley

I like sunshine. I like it a lot actually. This may be because I live in a basement currently, and it feels like 5 am down there at 5 am and at noon and at 10 pm. I like sunshine when its beams find my face and warm not only my body but also my soul.

I also enjoy rain, as long as my feet don't get wet. I like rain a lot more lately because it can no longer find its way down my walls to stream across my floor. I like rain when it falls hard and steady and the beating against the ground or my car roof drowns out all the other noise in my life.

This song is one of my favorites by one of my newly favorite bands. For various and sundry reasons, all of the lyrics resonate strongly with me at this time. I am, however, struggling with the sun and rain lyrics. What immediately pops into my head when I think "sun" and "grow" and "rain" are plants. I don't know why, which is part of the reason I'm writing this--I need to see these lyrics for growing people and stop thinking about them as for plants (because plants DO need sun AND rain). Haha! It's just silly.

If I can keep myself completely in humanity and not go off into the jungle, I do think I agree with the lyrics, and I feel like that should be painfully obvious to me and keep the plants out of my mind. What sunny time in one's life was as huge of a catalyst for change and growth as a rainy period? I'm not saying sunny times are bad or that one cannot grow during sunny times. Progress in one's life can be made during laugh-filled adventures down wide avenues lit brightly by the sun. Those are indeed good times, and they are comfortable times. As much as I enjoy my sunny days, I enjoy my sunny days, I look back on them, and I see that eventually they lead to stagnation, and then comes the rain.

Oh how it rains sometimes. And, as a good friend of mine said, "And oh how you learn." The learning curve can be quite steep during the rain. Sometimes you'll slide right back to the beginning of it because you don't know how to--or don't want to--dig in and hold on while you pull yourself, tooth and nail, up the hill.

Eventually you may want to fight. You'll grow tired of sitting with your mistakes in the mud. Stand up. Let the rain wash over you, clean you off. It's never too late to start climbing again. It's never wrong to want to see the sun, to work to make it to the top of the hill, and to have the sun warm you from your soggy, frostbitten toes to your wet, stringy, matted hair.

Just remember, we humans do need both rain and sunshine. How can we enjoy the dry warmth of the sun radiating down on us that shows off all of our best, brightest colors without also having the rain to push us through growth spurts up, up, up closer to the sun?

Terror of the blank screen

You know what it is?

There are moments when it isn't our race, religion, orientation, or some feeble glass ceiling.
Sometimes we are too scared of having the right idea, of making it big, of being right.

We sabotage ourselves.

We tell ourselves, not explicitly but definitely intentionally, that we can't do something, that we will be wrong, or worse: that we will be right.

Why?

Why are we afraid of what we can do?
Why do we hold ourselves back?
Why are we terrified of our own brains?
Why are we scared of being right?

Immortals We Are

There are no ordinary people.

You have never talked to a mere mortal.

Nations, cultures, arts, civilization--these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit--immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.

This does not mean we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind (and it is, in fact, the merriest kind) which exists between people who have, from the outset, take each other seriously--no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.

-- C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

Whole Desire

How can we want something with our entire being--so completely, so wholey--when we are just a pile of flesh and bones? It's just our brain or our heart or.....but whether it's an idea or a cause or a person--or even just a simple moment of a beautiful sunrise with a steaming mug of coffee in our hands--that thing we desire fills us up, and we can think and feel and hear and taste and touch nothing else. Whether or not we get what we so desire is irrelevant; the capability to feel that way is just remarkable.

Sunset on the Pacific

Hmm... wow...

Photo credit: Lisa Ward

Tassel List Update

UPDATE TIME!!!!!

What should I do before I graduate from college? Here is what I've started with:

1. Ask someone to the Christmas Banquet. >> FAIL. I did not go. I did not go to the Emperor's Ball (aka Spring Banquet). I am sorry. I don't do school events.
   

2. Go to a midnight premiere of a movie. >> Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I
   

3. Get a piercing or a tattoo or a funky hair streak. >> BLUE HAIR!!
   

4. Eat lots of Lucky Charms and oranges in Rhya Moffitt's memory.

5. Have movie night with Ashley Butler all the time. >> Oh no! She's gone! Can we have Skype night all the time??
   

6. Steal a book from the Library. >> Uhhh...This might not ever actually be published.
   

7. Swim or wade in a campus fountain.

8. Do something awesome for spring break. >> I AM IN FREAKING CALIFORNIA!!!!
   

9. Go to a Pro Musica concert.

10. Be spontaneous, all the time. >> I am the epitome of spontaneous.
    

11. Go to an Acro show. >> Saw a half-time show. Planning on going to the end-of-year show as well.
    

12. See how much you can steal from the cafe at once. >> See #6
    

13. Go to Midnight Breakfast, dressed up, at Sonic.

14. Graduate. >> Workin' on it!!
    

15. Befriend someone unexpected. >> Check.
    

16. Perform a random act of kindness for someone you don't particularly like. >>Check!
    

17. Take a DC Duck Boat tour.

18. Fly a kite on the Mall.

19. Go to a rally and make a sign.

20. Run to the Washington Monument from school.

21. Watch every HP movie or every LOTR movie or Charlie Brown movie or Land Before Time movie in one day. Or do both. >> Check on HP.
    

22. Go to a Supreme Court hearing thing.

23. Buy a random item of clothing off someone. Not at a high price.

24. Play Washington D.C. Monopoly on the Mall.

25. Bike more of the C&O Canal (can't do all of it Mom, sorry.).

26. Buy an all-day metro pass and ride one of the lines end to end. Or don't buy an all-day pass, ride all of the metro in one day, and see how much it actually costs if you get out of the metro in the same place you got on.

27. Stay up all night doing something ridiculous with friends.

28. Finish (or restart because I think eventually I was persuaded to throw the original away after it lived in my trunk for 6 months...) jaimenudd and my Duct Tape Rainbow poster. Do you know, I still have a really little bit of yellow and green duct tape from that?!

29. Invent a recipe (dish, dessert, drink, etc.).

30. Paint something (canvas, cupboard, cup, etc.). [Trying to keep the alliteration...]

31. Take more photos.

32. Play [more] basketball.

Okay, so I have thought of more things...

33. See sunrise on East Coast.

34. See sunset on West Coast. >> CHECK!

35. Drive around the entire Beltway in one go.

So there's the update! Yes, I am getting some school work done too...

Story updates to the Tassel List!

[Yes...This is suuuupppeeerrr late. Sorry. I was dealing with end-of-the-semester trials. Deal with it. Also, enjoy the actual, much more recent update to my Tassel List. :) ]

November 17, or close thereto --

Ahh, the excitement of a midnight showing of a movie - the joys of being among the first people in the world to see the production!

Last night/early this morning (oh the ticket-buying complications of these events however!) was just such an occasion. This is the first thing I will now cross off my Tassel List.

Now... Don't hate me. If you feel the need to pray for me, that is fine - I most certainly do need prayer, I just happen to not really think I need prayer because of this activity specifically.

The movie we - Mandy Greenleaf, Jaime Nudd, Matt Crosby(? I just met him...), me, Roberta Plantak, Joseph Campos-Furber, Sara-May Colon, and Vanessa Jorgenson - went to see was Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I. Most of our row was sobbing by the end because one of our favorite characters died, but of course...it's just a movie, and no matter how sad, I don't think I've ever cried during a movie. So they used my dry shirt sleeves to dry their tears.

It was a great evening of fun and friends, and definitely worth the lack of sleep.


January 5, or close thereto--

I colored my hair!!! There's three streaks of a greenish-blueish color. I'm loving it. I will post pictures soon. I am not into the whole permanent body changing things: tattoos, piercings, etc. Eventually the hair dye will wash out, which is good because I have to get a real job soon.

The fun part, maybe, of the hair dye washing out is that I'll be BLOND! for a bit! That's so crazy. But the places where there is hair dye and will be blond are awesome places to have blond. I'll post pictures of being blond as well.

I think that is all for now. I'll have to check the list. Oh, wait. One more. Over break Ashley and I watched all the Harry Potter movies. And one Lord of the Rings movie. It was just an epic movie break.

Technology Sabbath?

And no...I don't mean a Sabbath with a bunch of new technology, like 3D sermons, etc. Though that would be something interesting. I mean a Sabbath, a "shabbat", a rest, from technology.

We are so uber-connected these days that I think it makes my eye twitch. I can get my email and check my Facebook from my phone. I stay signed in to instant messaging programs pretty much 24/7.

The Sabbath Manifesto people over at sabbathmanifesto.org are not tied to Adventism, and while they do have several links on the Jewish Sabbath, I don't think they're tied to Judaism either. They are promoting this "technology Sabbath" for "ALL BACKGROUNDS, NATIONALITIES AND RELIGIONS TO PARTICIPATE."

They provide 10 Principles (to be added to, interpreted by, or even ignored by YOU) that act as ideas for what to do when you unplug and avoid technology (Principle #1). Here they are:

For more information, see sabbathmanifesto.org.
For more on the story, follow this link: http://awakeningcharlotte.com/content/2010/10/26/tech-sabbath-a-day-of-rest-fosters-wellness/.

Take a break man!

On the Last Day of 2010, a Tribute to Pixar

I just love them...

Just let me run. Just let me love.

Love Affair by Copeland

Fell past a cheekbone hill
To a piece of her floor
The hope of the world
in an awkward spill

Oh she'd lie on her bed
and stare into harsh white light
and think that her heart's not right

'Cause love took her hand like a thief
took her heart like a robber
and the feelings that scare her
become her relief

Just let me run where I want to run
Just let me love who I want.
Just let me run where I want to run
Just let me love who I want.

In a flash a heart is slain
you have to ask in all this pain
Was your heart too soft?
Was your love in vain?

Was your kiss too weak?
Were your eyes too tired?
And much too young to be in love
Much too young to be in love

Just let me run where I want to run
Just let me love who I want.
Just let me run where I want to run
Just let me love who I want.

There are no rules for this love
Just keep your head and don't give up
Like all the fools who play it smart.
Lose your head just for your heart, just for your heart.

More musical usage of Blogger

Okay, so here's the deal. I love 8tracks.com. They have some really awesome mixes, especially ones I like to fall asleep to. However, the playing of music doesn't just stop when that mix is over, it goes to the next random mix 8tracks decides to go to. This makes for waking up in the middle of the night to some very bizarre music. BUT. If I embed the mixes in my blog, it DOES stop. So... Here we are. Musical blog #2. Maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I do.

Using Blogger for Musical Purposes

I'll explain the title of this blog at a later date. Hopefully this actually works. Right now, I just need to go to sleep...

True Soul Mates...?

“A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life.”

~Elizabeth Gilbert

Huh. Maybe...

Stolen from one of my favorite blogs currently, goodmorningandgoodnight.com.